The following is satire and does not necessarily reflect the opinions of SharkyExtreme or Internet.com, it may not even reflect reality.

They Break the News, I Break it Again!

E3 is in effect y'all. That massive booty-shaking booze and geekfest we wait for all year. It's a lot like Christmas, actually. Critics, editors, developers and PR all put aside their differences and make nicey-nice to each other. It's three solid days of debauchery and glam, and on Monday we go back to sniping and manipulating each other. Because I have a two-week old daughter right now I chose not to go, but I plan on telling everyone I was there: "Hi AMD rep? Remember at E3 when we met? You promised me a one gigaherz AMD Athlon power rig with a GeForce 2, remember?" Shhh, don't tell on me folks....

Los Angeles, 5/4/00: Giant inflatable KISS balloons apparently rampaged and all but destroyed the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) this past Thursday. The Fifty foot tall inflatable likenesses of Peter Criss (the Cat Man), Gene Simmons (the Demon), Ace Frehley (Space Freak), and Paul Stanley (Girly Star Guy) stood atop the LA Convention Center greeting patrons of the world's largest consumer electronics convention when they suddenly came to life and ran amok (in a stunning display of man's humility before nature...er, plastic?).

Within minutes, primarily due to the Demon's fire breath and pointed dragon teeth platform shoes, the convention center was in ruins. Fortunately the crisis was averted before the inflatable demon rock band could destroy the city of Los Angeles as the real KISS showed up for a heroic showdown. Needless to say, inflatable aging rockers proved to be no match for the real deal. This marks the second time the rock band KISS has saved the world, the first being in their 1978 television film "KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park."

Sadly, several prominent industry journalists where killed or maimed (or both killed and maimed) during the fracas. Gadabout and family man Bernie Dy was batted around and then eaten by the Cat Man, Tom Chick was suffocated by inflatable Gene Simmon's enormous tongue, CGW's enigmatic RPG editor Desslock was found under a pile of Booth Babes (we are unsure if this occurred before or after the attack), and Alex "Sharky" Ross was drowned in a pool of viscous blood spittle. Old Man Murray's famous Erik actually survived by hiding under Monolith's CEO Jason Hall's massive pectoral muscles. But freelancer Bruce Geryk was unfortunately killed by the real members of KISS when he disrespected their music just after the fracas.