French distribution giant Infogrames has released 3D Realms' Duke Nukem Forever from its stable. Bereft and suddenly homeless in a cruel world he didn't make, the irascible Nukem briefly usurped the presidency of the United States (see Beatdown #32) but left that position in disgrace. You should've seen what he was up to in the Oval Office; he made Clinton look like Nancy Reagan.
Illustration copyright Mike Sanzone,
taken from Loonygames.com
After leaving, poor Duke, who hasn't appeared in a PC game since the early nineties, apparently rode his motorcycle down the road aimlessly wandering and solving problems like a Millennial Kane from Kung Fu. Wondering what he should do with his life, it was then he crashed. He briefly watched as a flaming tire from the wreck flew through the air and then a bright light struck him and he saw G.O.D. (Gathering of Developers).
“Damn deity destroyed my ride,” he muttered.
After a full and miraculous conversion, some would say “of Unreal proportions,” Duke Nukem has taken the mantle of Reverend and is now a disciple of the prophet Mike Wilson. He and GOD intend to take to the pulpit and deliver a blistering dose of Duke Nukem Forever sometime soon. When asked directly about the release date, cagey Rev. Nukem replied: “Thou shalt not releaseth my game until it's done.”
When monolithic Hasbro stuck its big fat toe into the games biz, it figured the water was warm enough to dive right in. It made a big splash, acquiring the Atari name and stable, the legendary Microprose studio and board game legend Avalon Hill right away. It released cash cows like Frogger and the amazingly popular vomit-management sim Roller Coaster Tycoon (which is still dominating the sales lists, see below). But Hasbro is a public company, a massive one, and any kinds of losses result in squirmy investors. That's why Hasbro is abandoning its interactive properties.
Enter the French company Infogrames, who recently bought GT Interactive as well. The good news is that Infogrames knows a lot about computer gaming. They'll likely know exactly what to do with the X-Com, Avalon Hill and Civilization licenses Hasbro has been sitting on. Maybe Infogrames would care to return Microprose to its former flight sim dominance? Falcon 5.0 perhaps? Or maybe they'll just churn out more Roller Coaster Tycoon retreads and updates of Atari games. No matter what, they'll probably do a better job than Hasbro, despite being French.