The presidential Crisis continues to adversely affect the gaming industry as the whole country plunges into absolute chaos! The Soviets continue their inexorable invasion plans! Mighty 3Dfx abandons us all!? Germans have no sense of humor? Um… Ozzy? Lara Croft returns from the dead! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria! Don't panic until you read this!
Quote of the Week: “I would not want to win the presidency because of a few measly votes miscast, or misinterpreted, and I don't think Mr. Bush would either.” ~Gore
“Um… duh! Sure I would!” ~Bush
HEADLINE: Duke Nukem Seizes USA in Violent Coup
The US Election Crisis continued this week with litigation and powerplay piled upon litigation and powerplay. Neither side seems to be winning and with the Soviet attack still underway (see last issue and the next story) nobody seemed to be able to do anything about it.
That's why it came as such a stunning surprise when long retired badass Duke Nukem came out of retirement and seized the reigns of power in the US. “The nation needs a leader and I've got some really big guns”, the Bart Simpson haircutted one remarked during a press conference in the smoldering and ruined White House Rose Garden last Thursday. “Any questions?”
Hail to the Chief, baby
Your Beatdown reporter asked Mr. Nukem about his new game Duke Nukem Forever and if it will ever come out. The new president just growled at me. Then Dan Giralte of the Milwaukee Sentinel News brandished a microphone and piped up with the following query: “Mr. Nukem, what about president Clinton? He's supposed to be president until January”. Nukem reacted violently, to say the least, and Giralte is now recovering in a local hospital, it is unknown if the microphone will ever be recovered from that particular orifice. Sad. There were no further questions after that incident.