By Ralph Nader, special for Beatdown

“There's no way I can win. I know it. Hey, we all know it. But I want that 5% so the Green party can have the $12mil in Fed matching funds. That way, in four years, I can mount a truly effective campaign. A campaign that the media and the American people will have to pay attention to. With that $12mil don't you think I could've beaten that insufferable wonk and the blundering idiot? Next time you'll have a non-corporate choice. Next time all of you will want to vote Nader.

That being said I want to plug my new anti-computer game book. It's similar to my 1964 best selling screed against the auto industry ‘Unsafe at any Speed.' This book will be about these popular video games and the tendency to release them with bugs and other problems. I tested several popular driving games and found that most of them crashed, hard crashed, a good 15% of the time. When you pay good money for Porsche Unleased, Breakneck or Midtown Madness 2 you have the basic right to a safe product that won't crash your desktop when you play it with your kids. To that end I'm pushing for Congress to pass the Computer Auto Safety Act. Our kids need to be protected.

By Gov. George W. Bush, special for Beatdown

“We need to strive for change… for accountability… for hope… and for great games. Bugs are a Washington term, a disaster waiting to inflict itself on our determination… on our … children. Instead of more Government control straight outta Washington, parents need more choices. More ways. More means. More ways to make the games their kids play less bloody, less violent. We know guns can be played with responsabably, we know these shootery games are safe. Can be safer. What you need to do is set your options for less Gore. In fact, I think a better America is one with the Gore turned all the way off. The blood may be green as a result, but it'll be a new day and it'll help renew America's promise.”