LAKE OF FIRE, HELL. Coming as no surprise to anyone, Blizzard announced that an expansion to their moderately selling Diablo II is being cooked up. Diablo II lets you portray a Druid or a friendly happy Assassin. Thirty new spells and skills will be added and the story has you fighting the evil Baal, who has taken over a barbarian stronghold. Oooh scary!

UN Millennial Summit: The single largest Quake III LAN party ever!

Bush Pushes for Greater Military Modernization: Candidate George W. Bush pushed for an upgrade to the US Military, urging the armed forces to switch from old games like Longbow, Delta Force and Falcon 4.0 to the more recent games like Gunship, Daikatana and Flying Heroes. "We need better graphics for a better America," he claimed.

Gore's Response: "Bush is out of touch. Enemy Engaged: Commanche vs. Hokum, Counterstrike and USAF are much better choices for real gamers."

Lieberman Adds: "Remember kids, games are evil…."

Infogrames (the company with the superfluous 'r') announced that it has entered into an agreement with DC comics to publish a slew of games based on the namby pamby superhero Superman.

Spiderman and Batman, stars of their own games, immediately extended their congratulations. The X-Men released the following statement: "Way to go Supes, you deserve that second chance buddy." One hero was not so pleased. Former Justice Leaguer and friend of Superman, the fabulous Hawkman groused: "Have you seen that N64 Superman game? It was awful!"

Superman previously appeared in a popular coin-op, an Atari 2600 game and in a Justice League Sega Genesis fighting game Justice League Task Force. A game that featured also-rans like the Cheetah, but not Hawkman.

"I can fly, I'm fairly strong and guess what? To me, Kryptonite is just a stupid green rock," said the disgruntled avian crusader. "This sucks, I'm out of here."