They promised. They lied. Eidos swore up and down that their cheesecake heroine and tired, very tired, game series Tomb Raider were going into temporary retirement after last year's well received Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation.

They lied. They took Lara out of her box, inflated her to the correct pressure and handed her those pistols we all know and love. It's time for The Lara Croft Chronicles! Why? Because Eidos needs more money, honey!

The story concerns the ending of the Last Revelation, where it looked like Croft wasn't going home. Her colleagues, friends, posse, sycophants, swingers group, groupies all get together around a crackling fire and tell their best, non-X rated, Lara Croft story. Yeah, it has pretty much the same plot as Blood 2: The Chosen: The Nightmare Levels.

We took the liberty of asking our gaming panel for their own Lara Croft stories, here's what they had to say:

"Remember the time Lara boarded that Nazi submarine? She gave all those sailors a das booting they'd never forget, hey?"
~Gerry Brucyk: GameSplat Magazine

"How about in the Himalayas when that Yeti came along and roared in Tibetan: "I am Ughlu'rgh, I am last of my breed." Lara shot him and didn't even break her stride."
~Brett Tard: Computer Game Gaming Magazine

"Each of the TRs have sold extremely well, including merchandising. The latest TR comes with an EIDOS Store catalogue o' stuff. You can now log on and purchase Lara watches, backpacks and beanies along with a ton of other TR crap. (We are waiting for something useful like Lara action maxipads with wings) The movie version is on schedule and fans don't really care, right?"
~Joan "Maxi Mango" Wood: Sharky Extreme

"Why the hell am I talking about that in my blah? Probably because I just like to ramble (and dammit, that's what the blah is for, ya chode!). And speaking of chodes (ok, nothing to do with a chode), the "fam damily" (as Yewtah mo-mos like to say) and I are heading up to Park City this weekend, before it starts to cool down up there. I think we're only crashing up there for a single night, and with her family heading up, being the religious types, there will be no "sampling" for me...ugh. (ugh...which also explains why I've been in a pissy mood lately...no, I'm not menstruating)."
~Billy "Whacked Out" Wilson: Voodoo Extreme

"Remember that time in the lost world caverns, just after that T Rex attack. Lara climbed up the rock face and came face to face with another dinosaur. This one had a big grin and large white teeth and purple complexion. Bang-Bang! One less dinosaur sensation in the world."
~Tom Schick: Gamecentral

"I still can't believe she dumped Anne Heche."
~Jason D'May: Next Generator Magazine