The following is satire and does not necessarily reflect the opinions of SharkyExtreme or internet.com, in fact it may not even reflect reality.

They Break the News, I Break it Again!

Hot fun in the summer time as even underclocked PC's melt in the 100+ degree weather. Plus, financial follies maul maniacal monopolists, NASDAQ is bearish and Eidos loses money? Also, your faithful columnist learns that he has a rap-impaired audience that may know a lot about Sting and conversational Klingon, but isn't down with OPP, Snoop, Dre or the rest of the posse. Dis! Come on in, Mack Daddy make ya Jump-Jump.

Game Quote of the Week: "I have spilled my faith on your innocent bosom!" -Christof to his Nun girlfriend in Vampire: TMR

Root of all evil (aside from MS Word, I love MS Word) and dread overlord Microsoft finally got the shaft last week when Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson (think he got made fun of as a child?) told the sprawling and totally evil (I actually prefer Internet Explorer) conglomerate it must break itself in two and stop its evil (Age of Empires 2 is like the best RTS game y'know) ways. One Microsoft will concentrate on making evil Operating Systems (I think Windows 98 is much better than Linux, Be and that crappy Apple crap) and the other, hopefully less evil, Microsoft will do everything else (XBox, Internet Explorer, Games, Conquer the World, etc.,).

Bill Gates, founder of the Microsoft Collective, read from a prepared statement before the crowded courtroom. Onlookers say they'll never forget his chilling words, or the red-laserlight pointing device he had strapped to his evil (I do prefer standardization) noggin.

Where do you want to appeal today?

Gates said: "This court is irrelevant, Judge Jackson is irrelevant, this country exists to service us. Resistance is, and always has been, futile." Then he cast his baleful glare upon the representatives from Sun Microsystems and said: "Your distinctiveness is already being added to our own."