OK, so it didn't make the terrible number 10 spot in the Shooter Shootout this year, but that still doesn't mean Daikatana
is actually any good. Not even remotely in fact. But you've all heard why Daikatana is so bad, so in a moment of boredom suddenly induced by memories of experiencing (I refuse to use the word “playing” in association with Daikatana – “play” suggests that it's actually fun) I've created a Haiku rather than simply repeat why Daikatana was so bad in regular paragraphs. Hey, Hiro was Japanese, so why not?
Why am I stuck with
These Suicidal Sidekicks
And doors that kill me?
And senseless weapons?
And dumb and plain ugly foes?
And pointless save gems?
And robotic frogs?
And nerve grating voice acting?
And this useless sword?
Thank God this game bombed.
Romero's best game ever?
Nope. His worst by far.
OK, so that Haiku was pretty painful. But Daikatana was worse and it took years to make rather than five minutes. I'm still amazed that Eidos QA passed this game. Then again I seem to remember they repeatedly rejected gold masters from Ion Storm and probably only finally passed it just to be over and done with it. I'd hate to think what the first gold master must've been like. How could Daikatana actually get any worse?
- You're joking right? What do you think I am, a masochist?
- I'm gonna cop out on this one and say “the whole game.” See below for more lows if you need ‘em